Fumble

Today was rough, with a capital ROUGH.  Not only did I fumble my way through a German conversation at Customs that left the German police officer thinking I was an idiot, but my new SIM card got stuck in my phone and my aunt Linda and I had to run out again to get that fixed.  In other words, today feels like I started out on the wrong foot.  Last post I was so naively excited and was going to “take a deep breath and take the first step of my journey.”  Well that crashed and burned.  Not only did I have the mishaps that I mentioned above, but I also realized my German is so not at the level I had hoped it would be.  I spent all day furiously trying to listen to and comprehend the conversations around me to little avail.  I probably understood a grand total of 20% of what was being said.  And Germans talk freaking fast! It is really just unfair.  All joking aside, today really set me back in terms of my personal expectations.  I do not know how I remained so naïve but I realized that I really have a lot of improving to do, and that understanding TEXTBOOK German grammar is not even close to understanding SPOKEN German Grammar.

I have to be honest, instead of some really cool, badass American chick who decided to study abroad for a year on her own, I feel like a child tailing just a few steps behind everyone else.

Now it is important that everyone knows why I am being so honest about all of this.  I do not want platitudes or people telling me to cut myself a break.  I know I am harsh on myself.  But I also think it was really important for this harsh reality to slap me across the face like it did.  I am not going to lie, there were probably one hundred different points throughout the day where I thought to myself, “I want to go home.”  But more of me wants to grow and to learn, and that is what this month is going to do for me before my program at Heidelberg starts.  I am going to do a heck of a lot of learning.  And I am going to fall on my face, metaphorically speaking.  And I am probably going to cry out of frustration at least 70 times.  But, I am not going to give up because it is way to early for me to quit and I have got to prove to myself that I can do this.  That is why I do not want platitudes, as much as I appreciate them.  I know that you guys think I can do this.  But now I need to know for myself that I can do this.  I am just going to have to take it one step at a time, one day at a time, one embarrassing conversation “Auf Deutsch” at a time.  And I am going to fumble, and fall, and probably disgrace my German ancestors or something.  But I will get through it.  Mom, if you’re reading this, prepare for lots of teary FaceTimes.  Love you!

And now onto random thoughts that I had throughout my day that do not really have anything to do with how the day was a whole:

Germans listen to A LOT of American music.  It was quite a trip listening to Meghan Trainor’s “Dear Future Husband” on the radio leaving Frankfurt Airport.

Ben and Jerry’s ice cream is crazy expensive here.  I thought it was bad back home, but I was wrong.

Gas on the other hand is crazy cheap here.  I saw something like 1 Euro and 50 cents per gallon.  Mom, are you jealous?

There is SO much Kinder chocolate and it is EVERYWHERE.  Ben and Sam would be in heaven.

I hope you all enjoyed my latest update and I hope you’ve come to expect absolute honesty from my site, because that is what I try to deliver.  I will post more as more disasters occur, and hopefully everyone once in awhile I can post a triumph too.

Have a great week! -Meghan